Sometime After Dark....

Year Of the Rat 4706
24 November 2008  AD
Monday, 1909 hrs.  CST
Stormcrow Ranch
Boone, IA
USA
"Squirrel Corn Capital of The World."

I keep odd hours.
    Not because of jobs or projects--simply because I can't sleep.  Or when I do sleep, I do not sleep well.  Not only am I often haunted by my past transgressions, but also there is just so much to learn, so many things to do, an ever growing bucket list of things to accomplish....
    Hmm.  I think I have mentioned this before.  Probably just as well:  re-current themes are replete in almost all literature.
     I was struck today by the idea that humans spend half their lives in the dark, both literally and figuratively.  Sunlight lasts for anywhere between 8 and 15 hours per day in these climes, but that still leaves night; that can't be changed.  And while ignorance makes a good excuse and an easy fall-back position, it is about the most moronic thing I have ever heard.
       We live in an unprecedented age of available knowledge.  At no other time in the entire history of mankind have we been able to access the entire scope of human understanding.
    And it is going to waste.
    But I was struck by this quote this morning:

    "And in what state of Nature, no arts; no letters; no society;  And which is worst of all, continual fear and danger of violent death;  and the life of man:  solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short."
             ~~Thomas Hobbes, Levithan

    Doesn't sound good, does it?  Hobbes was that way a lot when I knew him--always whining about some fool thing, especially after lying about his drinking.  I got the 'solitary' and 'poor' parts down pat.  They seem to be my stock in trade.  And truly they make my life a lot easier; there is a lot of freedom in being alone.  I'm not too worried about the 'nasty' and 'brutish' bits--to be sure, I can be mean, vindictive, sarcastic, snide, bitter, and a host of other negative appelations, but never the aforementioned.  And my life will not be short, even given my alcoholism, nicotine addiction and insomnia.  My clan is long-lived, most all living into their 90's.  I figure I got about another four decades.
    But what I noticed is what Hobbes was saying:  Nature doesn't care.  It is only ourselves who are to blame if we don't make something of ourselves.
    There is another quote that I like:

    "Character is what you are in the dark."

    True words; if you can't be honest when no one can see you, then might as well not be at all.  Save some air for the rest of us who actually enjoy having integrity, who--though afraid--still have the courage to face the challenges of life without slinking around like sewer rats.  Look, just quit making excuses;  like I've said before:  pony up or shut up.  Because only you will ever know the whole truth, no matter who hears you, but if you can't face yourself for your deeds, if you rely on rationalization to make every decision, if you have an excuse for not accomplishing anything ever, then maybe you should seek answers elsewhere.

    (Chuckle)  Yow!  got out there a bit, didn't I?  I don't even know what possessed my to write tonight, but I did.  While none of you may understand, I just felt 'A Call.'  Someone was hurting, and my empathy picked it up. I can't explain it any better than that.  I have to admit I am not seer or a counselor or even guy who has his own head and heart right, but I do trust my instincts, and I heard a voice somewhere.  Perhaps it was mine own.  I really don't know.
    But if you are listening and reading, then please hear and read these words:
       ~~Don't be afraid.  We are all just as scared as you are.
       ~~Let go of your past.  Understand it, but move forward.
       ~~Always remember you have total freedom to choose your life as you want it lived.  No one can take that away.
    I also recommend two books:
       ~Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach
       ~Illusions by Richard Bach

And one last thing:  always,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light,

~Hob